Since break began I have been taking some time to read different parts of this book, and God has been using it to challenge me and encompass many of the feelings I find myself at a loss to describe. This past semester has not been the easiest to say the least. I would not describe it as awful, but it has definitely had its challenges, from which I hope I am growing stronger. Not going to lie, I feel rather exhausted coming back, and I find there is much on my mind. I realized the other day that I have hardly written in my journal all semester. For me that is pretty sad. I process my thoughts by writing them down either just as thoughts or as prayers. The fact that I hardly have anything written down from this semester shows that I have not processed much. I have been wrestling with issues of stubbornness, reality, responsibility, desire, and discipline. It is amazing to me how nearly everything I talk to my girls about and counsel them in, I then find myself being attacked in similar ways and having to eat my own words. In perusing "His Thoughts Toward Me," I came upon an entry entitled, "When You Think You Have No Discipline," and I can't stop reading over it. I think it sums up how I feel coming off of this semester, and also provides encouragement and counsel. Here it is:
Romans 8:1 "Therefore there is now no condemnation -- no adjudging guilty of wrong -- for those who are in Christ Jesus, who live not after the dictates of the flesh, but after the dictates of the Spirit."
When you feel complete in Me, you will no longer be afraid to be disciplined. You will no longer feel that discipline is condemnation, and a divine punishment. You will feel fulfilled. You have thoughts in your mind that are not of Me. You can recognize them by their hard, demanding and condemning tone. I did not come to condemn the world, but to save it. Will you allow Me to save you from your mistaken thoughts? You can be as disciplined as you want to be. When you walk after the flesh you are hard on yourself. You tell yourself you're not doing well enough, or being good enough. You do not take time to allow Me to be the fulfillment of all your needs. Do not give place to the devil, who is always trying to render you weak and helpless.
You have the very same Spirit of God and Glory in you that lifted Me from the grip of death. You have My mind and you have My blessing. Deny yourself the luxury of defeat. Take up your cross and follow Me. Discipline does not mean suffering helplessly at My hand; it means to share My Glory. You will accomplish all that you need to accomplish when I am given the right to guide, help and strengthen you. I want to be the Lord of your life.
John 3:18, Romans 8:5, 1 Peter 5:8, Romans 8:11, Matthew 6:24, John 15:8
I have been making sure I sit down and journal some almost every day so far. I need to get back into that habit, I know it is healthy for me, as it is a main avenue for prayer as well. I am so thankful for this time away and at home to relax and not think about school. It is therapeutic for sure, and I am definitely learning a lot.